温斯顿把完成的一捆“工作”卷起来,并扔进气动管粉碎机里。八分钟过去了。温斯顿重新调整了鼻子上的眼镜,叹了口气,然后,他把下一批“工作”拉向自己,那张小纸条就在其上。温斯顿把它拿出来压平。上面竟然有几个模糊未写完的字:
“我爱你!”
有那么几秒钟,温斯顿是那么地震惊不已,以至于他觉得,给它扔进粉碎储藏洞都是一件有罪的事。当他这样做时,尽管他十分清楚,表现出太大兴趣是很危险的事情,他还是忍不住重复了一遍,只是为了确认这三字真的在那里。
He rolled up the completed bundle of work and slid it into the pneumatic tube. Eight minutes had gone by. He re-adjusted his spectacles on his nose, sighed, and drew the next batch of work towards him, with the scrap of paper on top of it. He flattened it out. On it was written, in a large unformed handwriting:
I love you.
For several seconds he was too stunned even to throw the incriminating thing into the memory hole. When he did so, although he knew very well the danger of showing too much interest, he could not resist reading it once again, just to make sure that the words were really there.
对于温斯顿来说,剩余的早晨,再也无法工作。
For the rest of the morning it was very difficult to work. What was even worse than having to focus his mind on a series of niggling jobs was the need to conceal his agitation from the telescreen. He felt as though a fire were burning in his belly. Lunch in the hot, crowded, noise-filledcanteen was torment. He had hoped to be alone for a little while during the lunch hour, but as bad luck would have it the imbecile Parsons flopped down beside him, the tang of his sweat almost defeating the tinny smell of stew, and kept up a stream of talk about the preparations for HateWeek. He was particularly enthusiastic about a papier-mache model of Big Brother’s head, two metres wide, which was being made for the occasion by his daughter’s troop of Spies. The irritating thing was that in the racket of voices Winston could hardly hear what Parsons was saying, and was constantly having to ask for some fatuous remark to be repeated. Just once he caught a glimpse of the girl, at a table with two other girls at the far end of the room. She appeared not to have seen him, and he did not look in that direction again.
以上摘录自奥维尔长篇小说《1984》第二部第一章,承接上一部的末尾,可谓连接十分紧密,如果不读上一部末尾,还真会读不明白。简单的三个字“I Love You”,还是写了又擦去的字迹,却让温斯顿思绪万千,再也没法集中注意力干活了,对他来说,纯牛马的工作日常,顿时间,失去了所有的热情。
我在小说《临时工》中,也杜撰虚构了这么一个女孩子黄秋月,她不是用字迹表达,而是用食物“发黑的香蕉”,表达某种若即若离的情感,也具有着相似的含义。
人世间最难表达的东西,恐怕就是情感了。八十多年前,小说家奥维尔用不经意的三个字迹,表达某种说不清道不明的情感,话里有话,含蓄又隽永。而我呢?只不过是依葫芦画瓢,做一个最简单又拙劣的模仿,贻笑大方之处,恐怕不足为外人道也。
黄秋月终于是过去式的,而白雁平的人生还是要继续坚持,如何写下一步的故事呢?这倒是颇费思量的事情。也许可以继续让再次回到这个电子厂也未可知,我还没有考虑好,所以下一步,我也不知道怎么写了。不过无所谓,我也就是写着玩一玩,大胆尝试一下。
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2026.5.23,Saturday,丙午年四月初七卯时辰时许